


stitches

by lockedinmybody



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Ex Sex, M/M, Missing Scene, Not A Happy Ending, it is quite loving though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-25 11:48:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22255705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lockedinmybody/pseuds/lockedinmybody
Summary: ben and callum see each other again after being apart for three weeks.the missing scene from the episode on the 13th of january 2020.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 6
Kudos: 88





	stitches

Ben slams the phone down on the table.  
_What if Louise has run off to the police? Has she gone to Martin again? Did she tell anyone? How is Ben going to keep her in check? What-_

The door opens, and Ben turns around.

His train of thought sizzles out. Quiet, finally.

Just friendly, familiar eyes looking back at him. He stands for a moment, just looking at Callum.  
It almost feels like he'll disappear if Ben sticks his hand out. His words had been harsh enough to keep him away for a while, those cold nights on the streets, twinkling lights all around them.  
But he came back anyway. He came back _for Ben_.

Callum's gaze on him is hesitant but steady. _Ball's in your court now_. Ben swallows thickly.

Ben comes towards him, two simple steps forward, but the proximity to Callum after three weeks of agony and trying to convince everyone (including himself) that he's fine, is enough to make him feel slightly dizzy.  
Callum's still there. He hasn't shouted, he doesn't look angry even though he must be.  
The man who loves him is _right there_ and it feels like everything inside of Ben screams at him to reach out.

The stack of papers falling on the floor makes a definitive sound, _this is happening_.  
Callum's dropping his backpack and Ben gets a hand behind his head, pulling him in.  
It's not long before Ben feels the hard surface of the desk digging into his back but he doesn't object.  
If he gets to have this, these are probably the circumstances he deserves.  
_You wanted a night in a hotel together? Bottle of champagne and some candles? Then you should have told him you love him back._  
No, it's frantic and desperate and they haven't spoken a word in three weeks. The door isn't locked and they're _not together_.

But it's good, and Ben hates himself for it a little bit. Hates how somehow this is the most normal he's felt since it all started.  
How they fall back into place so easily and effortlessly, Callum's hand covering the side of Ben's head, Ben's arm slung around Callum's neck.  
He lets Callum tower over him, pressing him down, hooks his legs around Callum's torso.  
His eyes are closed but he can feel Callum everywhere, smell the cologne on his skin, the sensation of Callum's tongue against his own making his insides warm.

Ben can hear the clinking of a belt opening but Callum keeps kissing him, presses his mouth to Ben's jaw, his neck.  
His mouth falls open but Ben closes it again, swallowing every pet name that threatens to spill, knowing that whatever's holding them together right now will be broken if he does.  
He doesn't dare let Callum's name rest on his lips, the very sound of that name coming out of Ben's mouth being a declaration of love inherently.  
Instead he breathes out slowly, Callum coming back up now that both of their trousers and pants are halfway down their legs.  
Callum runs a hand up Ben's thigh, thumb rubbing over the skin on the inside, where it's softer, and Ben lets his eyes fall closed again.

There's some more rustling, Ben thinks Callum's gone for a second or two and then he's back again, but he feels so much that he doesn't really notice.  
Callum kisses him again, hovering close as he pushes his hips forward slowly. Ben sighs into the small pocket between their mouths.  
They pick up a rhythm and Ben gets an arm around Callum's neck again to bring him impossibly closer, blue eyes staring back into his own, noses brushing.  
Ben clenches his legs around Callum's waist and Callum groans into his neck.  
He lets Callum have what he wants, take control every now and then, and something inside Ben glows with pride at the man who has grown so much into loving a man so deeply.  
Callum with all of the knots twisted inside his head, who thought there was only one way to live a life, now moans near Ben's ear when Ben cants his own hips up.

There's a flush starting to spread in Callum's face and Ben can feel sweat building on his own forehead. Callum hovers above his face.  
"I'm," Callum pants, and Ben digs his ankle into Callum's back and nods, "yeah."  
They speed up their movements and Ben hones in on this feeling, on being one with Callum, on the way Callum starts kissing him again and it's bolder, open-mouthed and dirty.  
Ben wants nothing more than to stay in this moment, stay here, under Callum, where everything _is_ Callum, and he doesn't have to bother with anything else.  
He curses as Callum chases his own high and then takes Ben over the edge with him. 

It takes a few seconds before Callum lifts his weight off of Ben, and Ben tries to regain his breath as Callum cleans himself off.  
They get dressed again, and Ben can't help but crack a joke, if only to extend this temporary haze a bit longer.  
Callum smiles and looks away, and Ben can feel his heart squeeze in his chest at the sight.  
"I've missed you," Callum says then, and Ben stills for a moment, but can't bring himself to lie.  
"Yeah," Ben says as he buttons up his shirt, "I've missed you too."  
"So why did you break up with me then?" Callum asks, and gravity is pulled back into the room as everything sinks again. 

"This was a mistake," Ben says after a few beats, and he knows this is unfair, but he doesn't get to have this.  
"It was a fun mistake, but it was a mistake."  
"It didn't feel like one, Ben," Callum says, and of course it didn't, because they're fucking magic, aren't they, and Ben feels it just like Callum does.  
Ben tries to wave him off and then Callum mentions Sharon and Keanu, and the dread in Ben's stomach swirls again as he feels himself harden, clenched jaw and calculated gaze.  
"Did something happen?"  
Ben wavers for the smallest moment, on the cusp of falling and breaking, but he catches himself just in time.  
"Look at you, you're not even a copper yet and you're already asking questions," Ben says and Callum immediately tells him off for it, hates it how Ben always does this, always deflects, and Ben hates it too.  
Callum wants the truth so Ben tells him.  
"You're too good for me Callum," and it's not even a lie.  
"So why don't you do us a both a favour and walk away. This will all end in tears, and they won't be mine," Ben says, the lie feeling bitter in his mouth.

He starts picking up the papers from the floor.  
_Only reason they won't be your tears is if you've drank so much you can't cry anymore. You're a coward for walking away from something so good. So good that you don't even deserve to have it._  
_Why did Callum get to let his dad go but you will never be able to?_  
Callum leaves. Ben hears it more than he sees it.  
As soon as the door shuts he lets his shoulders drop, sitting down on the desk and pressing his palms into his eyes.  
It's only later that he realises that this was the first time in three weeks that he hadn't thought about Louise, Phil, Sharon or Keanu for longer than a few minutes.  
The rubbing in his eyes makes colours explode beneath his eyelids. His limbs feel heavy and cold.  
_You love him, you liar._

**Author's Note:**

> i just had to write something after that scene, so here it is!! please let me know what you thought.  
> you can also find me here: [tumblr](https://softlofty.tumblr.com/)


End file.
